My Thoughts
by DramaticStarlet
Summary: What does Sharpay Evans REALLY think of this site? Multiple pairing mentions!


_My Thoughts._

_By Katie_

_Pairing: All of them regarding Sharpay._

_Rating: K+_

_A/N: So, basically, I saw one of these in the Harry Potter section and was like, "OMG! I must write something like this!". And so this piece of mental weirdness is the result. By the way, I have nothing against any story, this is just what I think Sharpay would say. So don't go flaming me!_

_Disclaimer: Oh, man, I wish. If I owned Sharpay Evans...well...the world would be a different place:p_

**---**

Bonjour, darlings. My name is Sharpay Evans and today I'm giving my thoughts on this...great site. obviously. Clearing up rumors about me and such. I mean, my opinion should be what keeps you alive! Okay, fine I might be exaggerating a little bit. Or not.

Let's start with all of the stories about me being abused mentally and physically. Um, hullo? Do you see any bruises on my perfect skin? Does it look like I slit my wrists because of depression? And, honestly, do I act mentally exhausted? I adore my parents. They aren't bad people! Although, my mother was wearing this pair of faux alligator skin pumps. Ew, _tacky_!

For the record, I'm not anorexic or bulimic. Really, I do yoga. It's a very cleansing and helathy method of losing weight. Better than tossing my sushi. (For you civilians, the proper term is _tossing my cookies _but I don't eat those things...I only make one exception.) My nightstand has chocolate gummy bears in it, and our cupboards are stocked with Zeke's snickerdoodles. Those are amazing.

Moving on. Who's the literary genius who came up with "Troypay"? Because I would like to personally give them a big pat on the back. Obviously Troy and I are destined, or maybe it's fated, to be together! He just...hasn't realized it...YET. As soon as he hears my fabulous new song that's gonna win me the Star Dazzle award, that Gabriella girl will be ancient history. Or recent history, I guess.

What's all the hype about Chadpay? I'm sorry, but Chad's hair looks more like the weeds in my yard more than the actual weeds. Hasn't he ever heard of conditioner? Not to mention he's a complete jerk. Honestly. Comparing me to a mountain lion! That's **low**. I'm much cuter than a moutain lion.

Now, to deal with Zekepay. Zeke's cute and all, but just a little too desperate for my approval. Not that he'll ever earn it! I do have a love affair with his snickerdoodles, though. They're the best you could ever taste. They're the reason I started yoga.

EW! RYPAY?! What the freak is wrong with you people?! Is your opinion so low of me that you would pair me with my biological twin brother? Newsflash, people! He's. My. Brother. He's really talented (although not as talented as me...it's really not his fault) and a nice companion, but we've never felt the need to make-out in the middle of a rehearsal. I can score with people much cuter and clued in then RYAN. On top of that, he wears plaid hats. Who does he think he is, Mel Gibson is "Braveheart"?

I am not a lesbian. And if I am, then I have yet to be informed of it. Shaylor? Kelpay? 'Kay, I've barely said two words to Taylor McKessie. And...Kelsi's my composer. And she has a crush on Jason, darlings. I think...I could be wrong. Kelsi and I aren't even speaking anymore, ever since she turned to the plaid side and started writing for Troy and Gabriella. Traitor.

The absolutely most disgusting thing I've ever read (well, second. Next to Rypay. That's as disgusting as it was five minutes ago.) is "Gabpay". WHAT are you guys smoking that you would put me with...her. I can barely say her name, let alone type it! She wore last season's jeans last week and she bites her nails in Trig. Nasty. Not to mention that she has Troy. Urgh, he's supposed to be mine. In any case, I cannot stand her and the thought of us kissing makes me want to slap myself. But then I'd ruin my eye make-up!

I've also seen really random stories about me and Jason. He's cute and all, but he falls asleep everywhere! Honestly, he could sleep through a fire drill. Actually, he did once. Why does Kelsi like him? I saw one with me and that skater guy that likes to play the cello. I don't even know his name! I think it's something really stupid, like Gavin (he totally stole that from Gwen's hubby) or Gabriel or whatever.

Oh, and I have to tell you guys that Ryan _isn't _gay. He's simply interested in looking his best. He doesn't even act gay! Just a little...blond...sometimes. He's not exactly the trendiest pair of Jimmy Choo's sometimes.

He's also really offended that you guys pair him with Troy. Ew, that would be AWKWARD. If both my brother and me liked the same guy...I'd never be able to do another musical with him again. I'd like to quote Ryan...

_'That's gross! The day I make-out with Bolton will be the day that pigs fly and Sharpay wears gauchos.'_

We all know I wouldn't be caught dead in those hideous excuses for pants.

...Wait, he just said something that I feel obligated to add in...

_'Hey, I'm offended that they'd pair me with ANY guy! Oh, and I don't like Gabriella! Have you seen her split ends and gross fingernails'_

Then again, sometimes I know why a few people might assume he's gay,

There is a certain pairing I love on this site, though. Ryan and Kelsi. Even though Kelsi's a traitor, her and Ryan have been friends for years. They know everything about each other. It's really kind of creepy...

So, yes, I am a "Ryelsi" fan. But that's it. Deal with it.

In regards to a certain copy and paste item I have found on _several _profiles...

**Proud Troyella Fan. Save Troy from the blond-haired witch!**

Witch? Well, excuse me, but who's the witch here? You people are calling ME the witch while I sit here innocently. Who's the witch now? On the bright side, at least I'm a pretty witch. No, scratch that. A GORGEOUS witch.

Troyella. Psh. I've seen cats with better pitch then...(shudder) Gabriella.

You know what I'd like to see on this site? I story about me (the elusive Sharpay Evans) and Jesse McCartney. No, really. I expect to see a _Shesse _story on here. Pronto! Or me and his character on Summerland. What would that be? Brapay? Shadin?

I'd like to know why I'm BFFs with...Gabriella...in all of these stories! Gawd, I told her to break a leg! It's like like I said, "OMG, Gabi, wanna be best friends? I can help you with your sucky pitch and we can do a mani-pedi session and we'll go out for smoothies later!"

Yeah, right.

Well, I have shopping to do, now that I've sufficiently wasted twenty minutes of my life.

I hope you've learned your lesson!

Ciao, sweeties.

**---**

**Fin. Whaddya think? **


End file.
